The weekend was just as terrible as I had suspected it was going to be. I had some news I had to deliver and although I had wanted to wait until Sunday to drop the bomb, I had to do it Saturday morning instead. Tinkerbell and I are moving this Friday. This news was received with much wailing and gnashing of teeth. I felt like a weight had been lifted, but there is still a long week to get through. And how do I feel? I feel positive about getting my life back, hopeful that I might once again be happy and not dread getting up every morning or going home every night. I'm a little scared but I'm sure that will go away soon enough. I'm proud of myself for finally having the courage to take the steps necessary, and I feel angry that I made such a stupid stupid mistake in the first place. In high school I had a band teacher that was the first person I heard say, "If you're going to make a mistake, make a big one!" That has always translated to me as living fearlessly. Not carelessly or thoughtlessly but .. perhaps with abandon. If you're afraid to make mistakes you're not going to live a very full life, are you? So this is me living.
The apartment is a compromise that I didn't want to make, but it's going to be a while before the entire mess is untangled and I can purchase my own place so, because of budget limitations, I had to chose either proximity or space. I want all of my things with me - my books and furniture and art., and of course my dog. All of the apartments I saw near enough to bike to work were just too tiny. But I found a nice large 2 bedroom apartment, not too far out but too far to bike. So for the next year or so I will be a bus rider and just suck it up until I can move again.
And through all the commotion I did get a good bit of knitting done on the sleeves. I am now doing the sleeve cap shaping. Maybe I can finish it up this week. It is going to be a challenging week, that is for sure.
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